I've had a number of conversations both online and in real life recently about why women and our society in general is so afraid of birth, and so convinced that it a horrific and painful experience that requires medication every single time. (and I'm not trying to say that women should NEVER use medications, they are a fabulous tool in some situations, but they also have risks and repercussions that seem to be largely ignored).
I have been thinking that far too often it feels like by the time women are actually having babies their fears of giving birth are already so entrenched that it is difficult to undo. As I talked about this to a friend lately I started thinking about a video I had seen recently, it was supposed to be funny, it was just a group of teenagers all facing a screen, the narrator tells us that they are in health class watching a birth video. The girls are all screaming and covering their eyes, horrified at what they are watching. I thought it was so sad. I wondered what kind of video it was and how it portrayed birth and thought about what we watched in our health class. I realized that often times birth is presented to teenagers as a deterrent to having sex (or at least to encourage them to use birth control) and is made out to be a painful, miserable experience. I guess the hope is to motivate these girls to avoid pregnancy and the subsequent 'horrors' that come with childbirth. I think these messages create fears that stick and then when women are ready to become mothers they go to great lengths to try and dissociate themselves from the horrors they expect with giving birth. Usually just by having an epidural as soon as possible, but sometimes by insisting on a c-section or even avoiding having children altogether.
I know I felt this way before I had my first baby. A man I worked with suggested that a home birth was a wonderful way to go and I told him that "I wasn't crazy, I was having an epidural"! When I got the hospital and suffered through contractions lying on my back with no support and no clue how to help myself, my belief that birth is intolerably painful was confirmed. Of course nobody suggested that I walk around, stand up, have a hot pack, any of the things that might have really helped, and I certainly didn't know how much my fear and tension was making it worse. It took a lot of reading, several years, witnessing some births first hand, and finally the desperation to have a VBAC (and the conviction that I needed to be at home for it to happen) to really get me to accept birthing unmedicated. Obviously when it turned out to be a completely comfortable experience (thanks self-hypnosis!) I was definitely convinced that birth is totally do-able, but it would have been tough to convince me of that 8 years ago.
So why was I so afraid and why are most of the women I know so afraid? How is the information being presented in health class to high school kids and how can we convince educators to give kids a more balanced view? (ironically, my own father was a health teacher for years, so I will be having this conversation with him for sure) How we do we counteract all those crazy dramatic births that they show on TV and in the movies? How can we 'infiltrate' the colleges and present the idea of birth being normal?
How can we get them to see this video:
instead of The Baby Story?
I wish I had the answers, sometimes it feels like it an impossible task to make birth a more 'treasured' experience in this country. I feel like people put so much effort, time, though and preparation into their weddings, but do none of the above for the births. How can people spend thousands for their weddings, but get bent out of shape at the idea that they might have to pay to give birth to their children? They want and expect insurance to pay for all of it and are happy to let their insurance companies dictate which hospital they can go to and which provider they can see? Would women accept the same situations at their weddings "sorry honey, but I'm paying for this wedding and this where your getting married and this is the person who is doing it". I can't see a lot of brides being very happy about that situations why are prospective mothers okay with taking whatever is given to them for their births?
(okay now I realize this analogy is kind of bad because some people don't have fancy weddings and don't spend much money on that either - I am one of those people - but I'm speaking in generalizations here and on average Americans spend $20000 on their weddings. Shocking to me, I got married in Las Vegas at $50 chapel, but even people who don't spend anywhere near this much still spend easily a couple of grand out of pocket, but most people FREAK OUT at the idea of spending $2000 out of pocket for their births. (oh and i'm talking Utah dollars here, double that if you live back East))
I would just really like to see women feeling as empowered about giving birth as they do about planning their weddings. Brides do tons of research, they pay for a wedding planner to be their expert guides, read all the reviews, visit all the receptions centers, they OWN that wedding. I want women to OWN their births too. I want them to know all their options and be as excited about the idea that it is going to be a beautiful and positive day in their life, not just a day that they have to get through.
Apologies for this being a rambling post without much purpose, I'm digging through all these thoughts in my head and spewing them out into this blog hoping that somehow I'll be inspired about where to find answers.